it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize