it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
