just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
