If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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