this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
