i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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