i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
