I wish I could punch you in the face.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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