I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
