Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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