The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
