can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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