I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
