god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
