they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
