I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
