he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
