i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
