I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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