my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
