I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
