Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
