My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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