Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
