Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
