i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
