Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
