I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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