when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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