rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
