So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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