ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
