I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
