He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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