Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
