I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
