im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
