I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
