Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
