how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
