i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize