Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
