Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
