no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
