I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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