I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
