Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
