i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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