Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
