we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
