my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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