He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
