I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
