He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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