I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who died my cat blue again?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
