Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
