Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize