my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
