dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
