dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
