My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
