Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(281): View more from Texas

Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

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(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway

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(540): View more from Virginia

Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

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(425): View more from Washington

the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power

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(309): View more from Illinois

When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing

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