the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize