I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
