I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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