I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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