How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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