Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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