Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sober January is a disaster.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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