problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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