The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
