my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
