What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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